It took me a wee while to work out that my FB friends meant Celebrity Big Brother when they mentioned CBB, not some weird adult version of CBeeBies.....I know it's been on TV for decades but I've never watched it, although I've seen George Galloway in a bodysuit pretending to be a cat more often than is probably good for my mental health. So I decided to take a squint.
I may need a course of antibiotics to get rid of the infection I feel I've picked up just by viewing for those 30 minutes, but I've learned a few things.
You don't need to be a celebrity to be on Celebrity Big Brother. In fact, if you were a celebrity your agent would have warned you off it years ago.
You should preferably come from a disfunctional family so you can cope with the nagging, shouting, crying and name-calling that go on.
You should have no shame but be possessed of a level of over-confidence previously only seen in people like Hitler, Napoleon and Margaret Thatcher at her worst.
You probably shouldn't know who any of the people in the sentence above are.
Your grasp of the English language should be loose. That is, words will mean what you want them to mean. But since the only people still watching are probably asleep on the settee after a hard day's work, the chances are nobody will be expecting you to produce a sound-bite.
Mind you, I think I got off lightly by only watching for half an hour. Think what it must be like to actually work on CBB or have to introduce it.....
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