Have a fag - it'll calm your nerves!

The new UK government anti-smoking campaign is frankly disgusting: a man standing outside a house (top marks to him for not smoking in the house) lights up and straightaway a tumour starts to grow from his cigarette. The voiceover is about how smoking produces mutations in the human body.

I didn't see or hear anything after the first 30 seconds. I turned to another channel, and I suspect a lot of other folk would do the same. Apparently, smokers think government advertising exaggerates the effects of smoking so ads have to be 'hard-hitting.' I have a beef with the government's approach to public health myself. Probably more than one beef, in fact.

It's 30 years since I gave up smoking but I'm still classified as an 'ex-smoker'. I am going for lung function tests in the New Year and, when my GP isn't telling me my wheezing is because I used to smoke, she's telling me it's my 'lifestyle.' I don't think I'm rich enough to have a lifestyle, so could my health problems be because I'm nearly 65? Live in the damp west of Scotland? Was born poor and lived in damp housing from birth to age 27? Worked twice for longish periods in buildings where asbestos was being stripped out?

Women of child-bearing age in my family have been fed the line for years that they must not touch a single drop of alcohol during pregnancy or they'll produce a child with Foetal Alcohol Syndrome - that is, mentally and physically disabled. I've seen this called 'the golden lie' by a spokeman for the British Medical Assocation. In my book, it's a lie - golden or otherwise. I've seen children with FAS and I promise you it takes more than a couple of glasses of wine a few times a week to produce that effect.

We have a pretty well educated population in Scotland. Certainly a population that talks a lot about everything. For example, we have 3 smokers in my close family out of 16 of us. None of us gives them an easy ride. They can't smoke in anyone's house, or anywhere near the kids. The family expresses its disapproval of smoking regularly to them. They also obey the smoking ban, as everyone else does. I reckon the three are addicts and no amount of lecturing or hectoring is going to stop them. They'll stop when they want to.

What I'm looking for from public health is the following:
- no more lies or exaggerations about health issues
- no more 'nanny state' (no, I don't like the phrase either but it's the best there is) - we're educated enough to make up our own minds on health issues
- no more blaming the poor for matters that were beyond their control before most of them were born
- no more wasting the public health budget on TV ads that folk simply turn off.

Sleep, little one, sleep!

Not a hope in hell where I live.

I think it's a fact well known to my pals and those who can be bothered to follow this blog that I don't sleep well. In fact, I'm awake now at 6.49am on 27 December. This isn't a major problem when you're retired like me. It was a much greater challenge when I was still working. And I know I have friends who suffer from insomia much worse then I do.

My big beef for the moment is that the bin men have just been.

What the f*ck is wrong with these people?

Are they on some sort of bonus: the earlier you go out, the more noise you make, the better East Ren pay you? Are they on a double shift? Get the bins emptied by 8am and we'll pay you double to do the recycling - and make twice the noise?

I don't need to tell you the noise is hellish - and will be repeated several times this week, because this morning was just the bottle bank being emptied - there's still the plastics, the paper and the food waste to go.

I'd go back to bed but there doesn't seem any point.

Bring me sunshine!

My sister and I agreed on the way back from Silverburn today that Boxing Day in Scotland is just like a 1960s Sunday. Nowhere to go, nothing to do, nobody on the streets, everybody indoors eating Xmas Day leftovers.

The only thing to do on Boxing Day is shop but Silverburn was pretty quiet. Plenty of parking spaces. Plenty of folk wandering about. Nobody buying much.

And all the TV channels - Sky, BBC, ITV - were talking up the Boxing Day sales.

Can it be true: capitalism feeding itself?

As our American cousins would say: go figure!

Enough with the petitions!

I've counted them: I've had 23 requests from friends in the last 6 days to sign petitions.

I should make it clear I am concerned about what's happening in the Middle East. I also hate what happened in Newtown. And I'm not too impressed with the UK's presence in Afghanistan, or the way the Coalition is victimising the disabled.

But. And this is a big but. (No pun intended). No petition anyone signs up to on Facebook will make the slightest difference to any of these issues.

If you really feel strongly, march on behalf of the people of Palestine and send money to http://www.palestinecampaign.org/. If you want the UK to get out of Afghanistan, lobby your MP, MSP and MEP. If you are alarmed at the way disabled people in the UK are being picked on, join the Labour party, pay your dues and make your views known.

I'm not sure what we can do about US guns laws, since these are outwith UK jurisdiction and frankly none of our business.

But stop annoying me with requests to sign petitions. These achieve nothing, even if they make you feel better.

Poor Neon

First he's born to parents that saddle him with the name Neon.
Then his parents split up.
His mother gets custody of him.
Then he gets sick.
His mother decides she doesn't like the way the doctors plan to treat his brain tumour despite his father being in favour of the treatment proposed.
His mother runs off with Neon and they all have to go to court over the whole business, thus delaying his treatment.

I kind of understand the mother-child bond that would lead Neon's mother to question the treatment the doctors prescribe for him. She wants what's best for her child so she's entitled to ask questions but she has no expertise in this area and, eventually, in a life or death situation - and that's what this is for Neon - you have to depend on the experts.

There's also a bit of me that thinks: this is a person we're dealing with here, not a pet dog or a goldfish. Neon's mother and father don't own him. They can't be allowed to play about with his life chances. He has rights and somebody has to exercise them on his behalf. At least, the doctors looking after him are bound by the Hyppocratic Oath to act in his best interests.

And yes, I have worked with children with life-threatening or life-shortening illnesses: cancer, MS, muscular dystrophy, rheumatoid arthritis, anorexia. Throughout it all, you have to keep telling yourself this is a person in front of you, not a condition. It's awful to be the person standing outside the situation looking in, but sometimes that's the person best placed - like Neon's doctors - to make a rational decision.

Here's to Neon's speedy recovery.

Meanwhile, back at the BBC.....

Not one but two reports today on the BBC's handling of the Savile 'affair'.

The BBC has enemies: the Murdoch press, the Tory party.....Murdoch resents the BBC's access to so much money through the licence fee. The Tory party thinks BBC managers are lefties and unfair to the Tory party. I'm kind of resentful of having to pay for a BBC licence myself when I rarely use most BBC channels or stations and don't think much of some of them. And I suspect the Tories are right about 'left-wing bias' - if by left- wing bias we mean they don't favour the Tory party.

However, I'm convinced of a few things:

- The BBC is too big. The fact that so many senior staff can be 'moved to a new role' at the drop of a hat is a bit of a giveaway: http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-20786533 And nobody gets the sack? Explain that to me, please!

- Far too much money is being spent on management and not enough on the creative side of the business.

I've just been reading about Hewlett-Packard and how this once huge and innovative US company is about to go down the tubes: http://www.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,2130977,00.html HP got its reputation for innovation from the engineers who ran it until 2000. Then it felt into the hands of business experts and suddenly innovation was out and managerialism was in. HP then realised it was falling behind other companies and started looking for smaller innovative companies to take over, bought an overpriced UK firm - very unwisely - in 2011 (anyone else thinking of RBS?) and suddenly its share price is through the floor.

BBC employees are rightly proud of the innovative work it does, Its children's TV, the website, Radio 5 - all are excellent - but when was the last time BBC1 produced a Downton Abbey or a Homeland or even a Clocking On? Any challenging documentaries or drama series coming up on BBC2? Any chance of reducing the hours of repeats on Radio 4?

- What I most resent is that the BBC Trust isn't doing its job. The BBC is important to the UK, too important to be left to the managers currently running it. Chris Patten doesn't seem to have an idea what the newly formed BBC Trust should be about, but seems happy to be guided by the Director General, rather than representing us - the people who pay for it.

And the Trust is certainly not representing Scotland: http://www.scottishreview.net/KennethRoy35.shtml?utm_source=Sign-Up.to&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=281919-The+mystery+man+of+the+BBC+in+Scotland

Here's hoping this could be a fresh start for the BBC but I"m not confident.

Plague Ship?

This is the UK cruise ship Oriana, which was described by a passenger disembarking at Southampton as a 'plague ship'. Now, when you know the norovirus is about - and it's about a lot in the UK just recently - and you know that several hundred mainly elderly passengers on a cruise are a sitting target for the norovirus, you can do two things: cancel the cruise (not a good idea if you want to make money) or step up the hygiene on the ship (which is what the crew did). I'd say the Oriana's hands are clean in more ways than one. Though I'd love to know how the passenger recognised it as a plague ship.....

Can we stop this happening again?

Do you remember where you were when the Dunblane Massacre took place?

I was doing a residential course in Jury's Hotel in Great Western Road, Glasgow, with a group of about 20 teachers, preparing them to teach French in their primary schools. Hotel reception knew the rules: no phone calls when we were working, but a call came through about 11.15am. It was the sister of a participant who said something terrible had happened at Dunblane Primary School. I related this to the class. One of the group said he had a niece there. We stopped the class and sent everyone off to their rooms. I'm glad to say his niece wasn't involved.

The rest of the week was a blur: there were TV pictures showing parents pushing buggies towards the school in search of news; Shereen Nanjiani asking them pathetically 'how do you feel?'; flowers piling up outside the school; the royal family - was it the queen? - visiting. I wondered about the headteacher and his staff. They would have to do the initial identifications. Was someone taking care of them? And what about the non-teaching staff? They would be local and know the kids.

Every time there's another massacre, it comes back to me and I'm sure many other people in Scotland. Beslan was awful. Columbine too. But Newtown Connecticut is the worst so far, because so many other 'incidents' have taken place - 13 in the US in the last 20 years - and the kids are so young.

Most of the Dunblane parents chose not to appear on TV at the time but on the 10 year anniversary, some did take part in a documentary. I remember the parents of a 5 year old boy who died. They were older when they had him. He was an only child. The photo they allowed us to see showed a wee man in a fair isle tank top, a checked shirt and a bunnet - the spitting image of his dad. I can't imagine how they handled this at the time - or how they go on living with such horror.

Can we stop it happening again?

Velocity My Arse

This is Tom Shields's column from today's Herald Scotland. I notice Tom's column only appears a few times a week these days. The old boy's obviously getting ready for retirement. Sometimes his column is a bit tired but just occasionally, he plays a blinder - like today.

Glasgow is to host the Commonwealth Games in 2014. And the preparations have already delivered us into the hands of charlatans - otherwise known as PR consultants - as can be seen here. I'm all for people making money out of large public events, but these people are taking the piss.

full speed ahead to the 2014 Games

Tom Shields

Can I have a quick word with you about velocity

Can I have a quick word wi

Velocity is the organisation in charge of commissioning a £300,000 bit of artwork in the east end of Glasgow. Velocity appears in various typographical guises as VeloCity, VELOCITY and velocity. To be old fashioned, we'll call it Velocity.

Contextual targeting label:

home improvement

But what is it? "A collective and cultural response to the impact of the Glasgow 2014 Commonwealth Games on the city and its communities. Velocity is an aspirational approach to partnership working that requires a paradigm shift to re-imagine, repair and reconnect neighbourhoods, communities and the city."

A simpler question: who's behind Velocity? Mainly those two visionary powerhouses Glasgow City Council and Creative Scotland. It doesn't have a chief executive or a director. Velocity is run by a producer. Sounds like the movies so there may be a gaffer and a best boy as well.

Is Velocity doing just the one big bit of artwork? No, it will "bring coherence, a curatorial overview and a consistency of methodology to the delivery of art in the public domain across the city".

How will that be achieved? By "evidence-based intervention through sensitive mapping process". Come again? "Velocity uses the term sensitive mapping to mean its physical mapping process brought together with demographic and social profiling alongside targeted stakeholder and community engagement. Examining the physical and social fabric of a city or an area in this way creates a relevant and authentic approach, a velocity dna that creatively connects people, place, artist and agency to re-imagine, repair and reconnect."

What's on this map? Velocity has divided the city into east, west and south clusters joined by Commonwealth routes which will "provide creative solutions for aspirational transformation". Aspiration in the east end? Yes: "Velocity proposes an east cluster around the single, holistic concept of a Commonwealth Avenue. This concept has the potential to re-imagine, repair and reconnect what would normally be seen as a series of discrete urban issues." There is a problem: "Cultural activity across the east cluster is sporadic."

Where are these quotes from? The Velocity Operational Plan. It uses the phrase "re-imagine, repair and reconnect" a lot. Will they be fixing potholes in Glasgow's roads for the 2014 Games? Probably just the holes on Commonwealth Avenue.

 

I hate this government

'Hate' isn't a word I throw about a lot. I usually tell people hating is bad for you: gives you frown lines, not to mention indigestion.

But I hate this government. I hate Cameron and Osborne for the way they've demonised the poor and the disabled; for their lies about the welfare state; for their openly Tea Party approach to economics; for secretly letting the ministry of education take over schools in England. I especially hate how they personify the gulf between trust fund Britain and those who are just getting by on low wages - or not.

I'm also starting to hate the Lib Dems, for whom I've always had great respect - in fact, I've voted for them in local elections. But they're not standing up to the Tories, except in token ways that I don't find convincing. What difference will it make to voters if Parliamentary boundaries are not re-drawn, as the Lib Dems have threatened? How will it matter to the vast majority of us if the mad May woman fails to get the power to read our emails and texts?

Maybe the Lib Dems - who are supposed to be full partners in the Coalition - are doing lots of stuff on our behalf on the quiet in Cabinet or in committees. Maybe they really do stop the Tories doing worse things to us than the list I gave you at the top. If they are, it's time they told us about it.

Not that I'm convinced by the Labour Party, of which I've been a member for 40-odd years off and on. Ed Milliband is still burbling on in Parliament about Cameron and his mates wrecking restaurants in their student days and Ed Balls is still heckling them, even though the Tories have managed to turn his yapping to their advantage. Who stands out in the Shadow Cabinet? Name 3. I can name two: Andy Burnham and Chuka Umunna.

It's enough to make me vote for Scottish independence.

My First Trout Pout!

No, I don't mean I've got one. I've just seen my first real-life trout pout. Normally, I don't move in circles where women inject themselves with botulism but today at the hairdresser's, surrounded by an adoring audience of stylist, tea boy and towel girl, there was a definite trout pout in the next chair to mine.

Sadly, the owner couldn't have been any more than 30. I thought the word 'trout' as an insult was usually preceded by 'old' - or is 30 old in today's yoof culchur? I can't say the trout pout did much for this woman. Nor did the dye job, which looked to be the texture of straw and was a shade of yellow not normally seen in nature. Put me in mind of newsreels from the old Soviet Union, where you could at least explain bad dye jobs because women had limited access to beauty aids.

So let's get this right: breeding and nurture give a woman in the wealthy southside of Glasgow a lovely figure and an attractive sweetheart-shaped face. Daddy - or hubby - give her designer clothes, bag, boots, etc. And all she can think to do to 'improve' on what she's got is puff her lips up and ruin her hair.

Personally, I'd have sent her to elocution classes in her pursuit of perfection. That might have eradicated the high-pitched, slightly strident and definitely grating Newton Mearns drawl. Oh, and maybe a wee spell at school or college might have helped raise her conversation above the level of 'so then we watched X Factor and had a bottle of Cava'.

So I noticed her but I don't imagine I even registered on her radar despite having to ask her to move her large Mulberry handbag off my seat. Being a woman over 50, I'm used to wearing a cloak of invisibility. Trout Pout will have to get used to it as well. I only hope she has developed a personality and a few interests by then. Or maybe a good divorce lawyer will be enough to keep her in botox  and dye jobs.

Get off the phone!

Confession time: I hate the phone.

I hate the 32 bars of music that play while I'm waiting to be put through to 'one of our team'. I hate being told 'your call is important to us' - it's obviously not important enough for the company to hire more call centre staff so I don't have to hang on for 10 minutes. I hate the endless loop of 'to blah blah blah, press 3'. I'm convinced following all the available options will only lead me back to the start of the list, since none of them meet my needs.

Last week, my library buddy and I went to a homebound client's house and got no answer. Very worrying. We looked for the warden of the sheltered housing complex the client lives in, but she is responsible for 5 sites and was obviously elsewhere. In the end, we made a note of the only phone number on view, went back to the library, pretty worried, and phoned them. This is a huge organisation - GHA - but it has only one phone number. We took it in turns to hold on. After about 15 minutes we got through to a person, who didn't know what to do. My library buddy told her: phone the warden, find out if she knows where the client is and phone us back. Luckily, the client was in hospital - I say luckily but she could just as easily have been dead behind the door.

People will say anything on the phone, things they wouldn't dare say to your face. I've been shouted at and sworn at more often than I care to remember. I've also been told off for being rude by a woman trying to sell me electricity when I told her I never bought things over the phone. For months now, I've had to tolerate up to 7 phone calls a day from people trying to get me to claim for PPI, despite the fact I've never bought such insurance. And yes, I am registered with the website that should protect me from these calls - except when they come from overseas - as they so often do these days.

I watch the generation below mine - and sometimes people of my age - unable to manage a lunch with friends without checking their mobiles every few minutes. I hear about phone-bullying far too often: teenagers getting horrible texts which drive them to mutilate themselves and occasionally to kill themselves.

And now a nurse has apparently committed suicide after being inadvertantly caught up in the 'Kate is pregnant' story. Most people sympathise with the victim of this phone 'prank'. But I've also been told on Facebook that Kate Middleton is responsible for the woman's death and that the nurse was obviously not fit to do the job she was doing if that's all it took to send her over the edge.

I just want to mention a single word: ethics. The ethics of the two media journalists who made the phone call interest me. The UK is in the middle of a debate about the regulation of the press. I am in favour of control of the press, in the form that has been adopted in the Scandinavian countries. Maybe
Jacintha Saldanha had never given it much thought. Her husband and kids may see it differently.

Tina's Cafe

Tina - christened Argentina by her Chilean seaman dad and Scottish mother - runs a cafe in Drumoyne Road in Govan. Her assistant is Elaine. They can quite often be found in the late afternoon sitting shattered after a hard day eating a cake straight off the shop counter. They do meals like curry, lasagne, mac n cheese and salad to eat in and to take away, though it has to be said there's not much demand for salad. Their all day full breakfast goes down a treat.

Tina's cafe is at the heart of the community right next to a couple of schools and the health centre and across from Elder Park and the Library. People drop in at all times of the day, especially elderly folk. Parents come in at the end of the school day for a coffee before their kids come out of the school. The kids come in for snacks too. Charles delivers books to the homebound with me and the two of us go in every Thursday for a roll n fried egg and a coffee. The coffee is pretty poor but the egg roll is superb.

The prices are ridiculously low.

The welcome is great.

From time to time, I think Tina and Elaine should get a bit of publicity and I consider contacting BBC Scotland Radio, which would love the 'craic'. But then I think: Are you nuts? Every community has a Tina's cafe. And then again I think: I hope so.

Look after each other...

I've said this before but I'll go on saying it forever: it's great to have a night out with your mates. A meal, a few drinks, a visit to a club. But, guys, you have to look after yourselves and each other. Don't wander off on your own. Don't let anyone else wander off. Make sure your mate gets a taxi home if he or she is too drunk to carry on clubbing.

I'm not saying there are predators out there. Life is much more boring than the telly, but shit happens.

This rant is prompted by the news of the death of Victoria Sloss - Vikki - who drowned on Saturday morning in the Clyde. Vikki was a second year university student of nursing. Think of her boyfriend and her family and how they are feeling right now.

Take care of each other.