And now for something completely...lame

How do you feel about Monty Python being revived as a theatre show? Here's my opinion:

Three guys in their 70s hamming it up onstage to make money, one to pay off his mortgage, another to pay his divorce settlement. As far as I can see, they're not planning new material, just using the old stuff. Haud me, as we say in Glasgow, back. Between this and the World Cup, July 2014 is going to be a doozy.

Being charitable (I know, it's not like me, but it's late) I admit there are plenty of folk who say they love Monty Python. Myself, I think they're either having the rest of us or themselves on - big time. The ministry of funny walks wasn't funny first time around. How will it be funny now that John Cleese has had a replacement hip and knee?

I can give you a list of comedians I think were funny from the same era as Monty Python: Billy Connelly, Dave Allen, Morecambe and Wise, Ronnie Barker, Tommy Cooper, Chic Murray, Dick van Dyke (yes, him!). They had wit, timing and great scripts. Not a dead parrot to be seen.

As the years have rolled on, I've got quite attached to American comics, like Seinfeld and Garrison Keillor. US TV series of the 90s were such a relief from the Hyacinth Bucket stuff. I particularly liked Spin City, Golden Girls, Mad About You and Third Rock from the Sun. Back in Scotland, Mrs Brown was and is still brilliant. I suspect nothing will ever be as funny as the original Chewing the Fat - but I'm prepared to let the team have a go at writing new scripts. As for Black Books, Bill Bailey and Dylan Moran on the same show - heaven!

These days I'm hooked on the Big Bang Theory and most things written by Armando Ianucci, like the Thick Of It. I see Michael J Fox has a show on US TV now and I hope it comes here soon.

I don't want remakes or revivals of anything from the past. There must be funny writers out there just waiting to be called on. Remakes are awful. I've seen superb and very funny European movies remade in Hollywood so badly they turn into disaster movies: La Cage aux Folles for a start. And to my absolute horror I see some bonehead is planning a sequel to It's a Wonderful Life. I won't be watching it and I hope every one of you will boycott it.

My motto for the day: keep watching Comedy Central.