A former student and friend has been in touch this week through Facebook. I've known him for over 25 years but in recent years have only heard from him when he's either 'top of the world, ma' - or in deep despair.
Once before, he sent me a photo of himself and a group of very elderly people on the steps of 10 Downing Street along with Gordon Brown, then the PM. This was a group of retired people he gave a lot of time to as a volunteer. It was a happy photo. The group had enjoyed their day out and were thrilled to meet GB and his wife. This week he's been sending photos of his scars from self-harming. Not just to me. He has a wide circle of friends, though not, I notice, as wide as it used to be. But still, enough people have been concerned about him to rally round, make phone calls to his family, try to get his local social work people involved, send the police to his door, even beg him to get help from the Samaritans. Yes, that's how bad it is.
The hardest thing I've had to do - apart from trying to talk to him online - he has now cut off his Facebook account and his email - his phone has been off for months now - is to persuade his friends that he has decided what he wants, that he has the right to make his own decisions and if he rejects help there's not a damned thing anyone can do about it. We are powerless in the face of his despair.
But still, when he's well he's great company, a terrific writer and a great actor. He has published a book and a couple of plays. As an actor, he's worked in theatre and movies with some success. We can only hope his determination to refuse help will pass (it has in the past) and that we'll find him again soon restored to his real self.
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