We, the electors, salute you!

I've been watching the run-up to the UK general election with a certain sense of distance, thinking: same old circus, same old monkeys. But there are weeks of this claptrap to go yet so I'm trying to drag some entertainment from the proceedings.

The highlights so far:

David Coburn MEP (salary £96,000pa + expenses) is Scotland's only UKIP representative and seems to think he's auditioning for Jeremy Clarkson's job on Top Gear. Scotland didn't find his racist comment comparing Humza Yusaf MSP to Abu Hamza as funny as he did. I didn't vote UKIP in the EU elections. If you did, hang your head in shame. 

Then there's Grant (Second job? What second job?) Shapps. 

Grant is chairman of the Tory party and a chanty-wrastler. He used a second name to keep doing a wee internet job after he was elected, having assured House of Commons officials he wasn't. He didn't so much apologise as squirm a bit and try to give the impression all MPs do this. Maybe just Tory MPs. Grant is a Rt Honourable. I'll leave you to finish the phrase. 

But my discovery of the election run-up is Anna Soubry, another Tory MP and junior minister. 

See the open mouth (it usually is) and the pointing finger (ditto). Anna is over-endowed with self-confidence. In the mould of Margaret Thatcher, she talks a lot but never listens. When people try to get a word in - Alex Salmond and Andrew Marr tried today on TV - she talks louder and keeps right on going. She has never to my knowledge said anything worth hearing but she does fill the air with Tory party noise on request.

So who are doing well in the election? 

I nominate Ruth Davidson, MSP.

Another Tory, but frighteningly I find myself agreeing with a lot of what she says. It's a pity the Tories are still toxic in Scotland because Ruth is young, clever and thoughtful. She has grown into the job she's doing and would make a good contribution to national life.

And then there's Ed.

Yes, I think Ed Milliband is having a good election, in spite of the sneering of the rightwing press. And in spite of the awful photos, apparently chosen to make him look like a fool. When did it become obligatory for party leaders in the UK to look good on camera? That's an American thing, isn't it? We surely expect our leaders to have a bit more to them than that. He had a good go at Osborne in the Budget speech - not an easy gig. The problem is that Ed is saddled with some right numpties left over from Blair and Brown's days: Ed Balls for one. That manic unblinking stare to camera is quite unnerving. Too late to do anything about that now. Or about the meltdown in Labour seats in Scotland, although I suspect they won't lose as many seats as the SNP are hoping. 

Although I won't be voting for them.