For these err may mounnn-tains

On my wasted journey round Silverburn tonight, circling the great temple of Mammon but never actually getting anywhere near a shop, I had time to flick through a few radio stations while I sat in the long, long queue of cars heading for the exit.

I don't know who's filling in for Steve Wright on Radio 2 but dear me, their taste in music is beyond bad. Clyde 1 only seems to play Avicii or Nicholas MacDonald. I've not idea what Real Radio was playing - Rehab figured in there somewhere - very suitable for this time of year - I didn't pause long enough to find out. Smooth Radio was playing some of its 500 best something or other tunes, none of them very good, but the DJ was waxing furious about Paris Hilton who has apparently made it into the list of the top 6 DJs in the world. His argument seemed to be that Paris knows nothing about music or DJ-ing but is just playing at it. In his opinion, it's a bit like you or me thinking we could just go off and be a doctor or a dentist. What a nerve, eh? Myself, I wouldn't put being a DJ quite at the level of medicine or dentistry but I switched stations before I could hear any more. And someone was singing:

"For these err may mounnn-tains end this is may glen" and my wee heart sank. For I realised it is New Year! New Year, the time when anyone who lives in Scotland and loves Scottish music crawls into a corner and waits for us to get past Ne'erday - no, make that get past Burns Night.

O the times I've thought: just shoot me now. One of my friends sang The Road and the Miles To Dundee at a Ne'erday party in my house. I've never heard a more dreadful song, but I was told you can't say that because it's Scottish. She sang it in a semi-English accent. I toyed with the idea of going home but I was home. I sat through a rendition of Ca' The Yows Tae the Knowes - or Call the Yows To the Knowes as the singer called it, enunciating carefully - in a school hall and had to dig my nails into my arms to stop myself screaming: "Yer Scottish - gonny jist sing it Scottish!"

At some point, the accordion will appear, and the bagpipes. There will be a fiddle orchestra too. All introduced by Jackie Bird. It will mostly be poor quality stuff intended for an audience living furth of Scotland. And I just know all my exiled Scottish friends will be in ecstasies.

And no, it's not 'Scottish' music I dislike. It's bad Scottish music. I like the Proclaimers, Julie Fowlis, Karine Polwart and many others. They have some great songs.

There's a terrific list on Wikipedia if you're interested:  http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Category:Scottish_folk_singers

You just won't hear much from them before the end of January.