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Sunday, 20 January 2013

Our National Poet

First of all, I'm a Burns fan. Last week, I unfriended someone on Facebook because he slagged off celebrants of Burns Suppers for 'mocking' the Gaelic language and culture by wearing kilts. Myself, I don't care if folk turn up at a Burns Supper in their birthday suit as long they give a good recitation of the works of Burns. Mind you, I think Burns could have made a great poem out the birthday suits!

I was astonished last week to hear a question on the TV quiz Pointless about 'famous Scots'. First, I was amazed the question should appear at all but then I was delighted to see so many names appear (14) - among them, of course, Robert Burns. One thing bothered me, though: our national poet was referred to throughout as "Robbie Burns.' Well, truth be told: I was also annoyed that his world famous song was referred to as Old Lang Zyne but, hey, we're getting used to that, aren't we? It merely shows the speaker's ignorance of the Scots language. We know not everyone is as lucky as we are.

But I wonder: was Burns referred to as Robbie in his lifetime, by family and neighbours, by his posh friends in Edinburgh? Is Robbie just an English version of Rabbie? Was Burns really called Rabbie when he was doon hame? An attempt at the anglicisation of his name would make me laugh for one: Burns's best poems are in Scots; his least memorable in English, although I suspect some of his songs have stuck in people's minds because they are in English.

So come on, my Ayrshire (and beyond) friends: where did the name 'Robbie' Burns originate? And should we be trying to give him his proper name as a mark of respect?

Tuesday, 15 January 2013

Bye bye, HMV - etc

Yes, I am sorry for all the employees of companies like Jessop's, Zavi, Comet and HMV who are joining the dole queue at the worst possible time. And through no fault of theirs.

Am I sorry for the directors - the so-called leaders - of these companies? Not for one minute.

They are simply repeating the lack of leadership shown by the bosses of UK companies in the 1970s and 1980s, when company after company bit the dust, having failed for 50 years to modernise their operations and their manufacturing techniques.

This time around, companies can't blame the workers or the trades unions. Employees have never worked as hard as they do in this new century, having to accept lousy wages and rotten working conditions. Trades unions have been completely devalued. Interestingly, the businesses that refuse to let their employees sign up with a union are often franchise holders of firms like Domino's, MacDonald's and Starbuck's who have to pay so much for the franchise their profit margins are squeezed almost to extinction, so all they can do is squeeze every last penny and every bead of sweat out of their employees.

Where did Jessop's, Zavi, Comet and HMV go wrong? Their directors lacked vision. This is, of course, what companies claim to be paying their top management huge salaries to show. You and I could see a decade ago that internet retailing could only grow. Did these super salesmen not see the change in the market? Why did they fail to react to the rise and rise of Amazon and the other internet giants?

HMV and co are not the only companies that are slow to respond to changes in the market. You only have to look at the state of M&S: in danger of losing their traditional client group but unable to work out who will be their new customers in ten or twenty years from now. Or how about supermarkets like Asda and Sainsbury's? They really haven't got their act together on their approach to the internet: their shop staff don't know what they are offering online, the goods in the stores are quite different to what's online and even if the same item is instore and online, the prices sometimes differ!

For me, worst of all is the lack of investment in staff training. Almost every week in stores I see a new employee being trained 'on the job' - that means, I suspect, learning as they go along from somebody on the same (basic) pay grade as them. If that's also happening in their internet service, I have a feeling this lack of investment in people will return to bite these companies on the bum - and sooner rather than later.

Monday, 14 January 2013

January, February

I know some of my friends are eagerly waiting for the snow to start. Some were bitterly disappointed last weekend: they'd got the shovels, sledges, snowboards and skis ready and nothing happened. It's not that I mind snow: now I'm not working, it's all one to me. I've got the cupboards, fridge and freezer stocked, got plenty of books and DVDs and nothing in the diary that can't be cancelled if needs be, so I can just batten down the hatches and wait for March. I'd quite like to get to the book group on Friday, but it's in Thorntonhall close to East Kilbride which is well known as Scotland's very own Arctic.

The weather forecasters are the pits. The ones based in London (BBC, ITV, C4) assume what's forecast for Swindon will be the same for Tobermory. Wales and Northern Ireland never get a mention at all, although I bet the police in Belfast are praying for snow, ice and tempest to get the flag-wavers off the streets. The forecasters based in Glasgow, like STV, imagine what's happening in Coatbridge will apply to Aberdeen. Even the BBC website seems to think what happens in Edinburgh will be the same for the rest of us. I like Windy Wilson's forecasts on Facebook - he's on the east coast and makes this clear from the outset, so if the rest of us want to mention what's happening in our area, Windy will happily accept our reports and post photos.

It's not just the amount of time devoted to these daft forecasts. It's the suspense it puts us all under. Back in the Dark Ages when I worked in Argyll, we used to phone the police at Arrochar to find out if the Rest was open. Not that their report meant much: you could leave Glasgow in the rain and still find a police landrover waiting for you at the Rest to tell you to turn back. Or you could leave Tarbert Loch Fyne in clear weather and end up staying in a hotel in Inveraray because the weather had closed in. And I remember with a smile the director of education who closed all the Argyll schools because snow had made the roads 'impassable.' Cue phone calls from Tiree, Islay and Campbeltown from heidies asking: what snow? If you're working, I reckon you're under enough stress without wild forecasts. 

So what to do? I saw a very good thing on Facebook: a stone tied to a bit of string. If the stone is wet, it's either raining or snowing; if the stone is moving, it's windy; if the stone has disappeared, it's a hurricane. Every bit as accurate as the posh computer projections used by the telly.

Thursday, 10 January 2013

Yada yada yada

According to tonight's news - really the stuff that's reported when there's no real news - half the food in the world goes to waste. Or is it just the western world? It's usually the fault of the western world, whatever it is. Cue dramatic pictures of lorries dumping perfectly good food, reporters looking disapproving - yada yada.

Not a word about businesses like Greggs, Pret a manger and Tesco passing unsold food on to charities to feed the homeless, on a daily basis.

Can we get real here? Instead of putting ads on TV exhorting us to make a list before we go shopping - yeah, right, and you''ve never bought anything in a shop on the spur of the moment cos it looked good or you were hungry at the time. Instead of that, can we do maybe one wee thing to save on food waste?

I don't know how many people in the UK live in one person households - maybe millions? Have you ever shopped for one person? Try buying a stir fry - feeds two. Or a portion of fish - feeds two. If you do find something that's advertised as being 'for one', you'll probably find it costs more than the 'family size.'

I don't take the bogoffs in supermarkets if I can avoid them or can pass on the second item to family. But I've lost count of the number of times I've thrown out fresh food that I had to buy because there aren't smaller options available. So that's my suggestion: make it possible to buy food - especially fresh food - in smaller helpings, at reasonable prices.

Tuesday, 8 January 2013

Bigotry is alive and well

For a lot of  people in Scotland, sectarianism doesn't exist. If you live outside industrial Scotland, particularly the Central Belt, the chances are you won't have encountered anti-Catholic or anti-Protestant bigotry. If you live in the industrial heartland, it's all around you. It's historic: it seems it has always been here. And it's gone way beyond religion: sectarianism is embedded in the Scottish culture. It's in our communities and in our homes. Where racism seems to be silent these days - you can be a racist inside your head but open racism is frowned on - it still seems to be okay to show sectarian prejudice.

Sectarian jokes are still around and tolerated. I'm ashamed to admit I found myself making one a few weeks ago when a friend of mine commented on someone having a strong Glasgow accent because he said Merry when he meant Mary. 'Sure sign he's a Catholic,' said I. My friend (from Ayrshire) looked amazed. 'Oh aye,' said I, 'Catholics canny say the name Mary - and their eyes are too close thegither as well.' I need to apologise to my friend when I next see him and explain these idiotic comments were part of a wee satire of bigots a (Catholic) friend and I came up with in our 20s when we were working for the most bigoted assistant heidie in Scotland - a man who challenged children in our non-denominational school if they had a name he thought was 'Catholic': 'Teresa O'Reilly', he would roar, 'what are you doing here? Why aren't you at Bellarmine?'

Even though I think of myself as educated, egalitarian, left-leaning, etc I accept that sectarianism is like a knee-jerk reaction even for me. What's worse, I grew up in a home where there was no sectarian talk at all. I picked up my sectarianism in school, on the streets and in my teens at work. I belong to a 'mixed' family: a few Protestants, a few Catholics, a lot of whom never darken the church doors - and there are a few atheists as well. We just don't talk about religion in the family. It's not important but I'm aware of the impact of sectarianism in everyday life: for some reason, although I'm an atheist, I've been on the receiving end of both anti-Protestant and anti-Catholic bigotry in my time.

Why hasn't Protestant/Catholic sectarianism just died out? Scotland has accepted several waves of immigrants in the past 200 years - Jewish, Asian, now Polish. They've settled in fine, maybe taking 2 or 3 generations, but managing to hold on to their own culture, religion, languages, etc. Why is there still such prejudice against Catholics from an Irish background, some of whom have been Scots since the 1860s?

One sign that I find encouraging is that we now have an anti-bigotry 'czar' (stupid name, I know) called Duncan Morrow. He's a Northern Ireland man himself and I suspect he knows what he's talking about. His view is that Scots are in denial about sectarianism. We claim it no longer exists or has never existed but, according to Dr Morrow, for a people who make these claims, we're a bit nervous of him coming in and turning over the stones to see what's there.

He's absolutely right about denial. Did you know there were marches last weekend in Lanarkshire in support of the flag-wavers of Belfast? I know this because friends on Facebook were going along but there's been nothing on TV or radio or in the papers to indicate this is a live issue in Scotland. It was the same during The Troubles: not a word in the media to even hint that Scots were involved in any aspect of what was, frankly, a sectarian civil war, just a couple of hours away on the boat.

The one thing we know from the Truth and Reconciliation Commission in South Africa is that ignoring the problem won't cure it. Maybe we need to turn over all the stones, have a good look at our community and resolve to move on.



Sunday, 6 January 2013

Altogether now!

I grew up in what I suppose would be called a 'musical' family. Everybody could haud a tune, as we say in Glasgow. Family gatherings involved doing a turn and loads of people had a song they were known for. My mother's was 'Scarlet Ribbons.' My father's was 'Buddy Can You Spare a Dime.' For many years, we didn't have a TV but we had a radiogram and a collection of records. Some of us could play a musical instrument. A lot of us liked to dance. One of my best memories is watching my brother, then aged about two, being danced round the livingroom standing on my mother's feet as the radiogram blasted out Spike Jones's 'Cocktails for Two' - one of the funniest recordings ever.

My brother and one of my nephews are great guitarists. The same brother and two of my nephews are fabulous singers. My brother-in-law and his brother are the kind of people that know everything there is to know about singers and groups from the 60s on. Music features in our lives every day.

What we didn't like in my family was 'audience participation'. My father called it getting the public to pay for a show and then making them do the work. Variety shows were dismissed as trash as soon as a comic or singer exhorted the audience to sing 'altogether now.' He especially loathed people like Ken Dodd and Frankie Vaughan but he loved real professionals like Sinatra and Shirley Bassey. Miming on Tops of the Pops was quite shocking to him. I can't imagine what my parents' generation would make of software that keeps singers that canny sing 'on pitch'!

I think it's sad that there are so few ways now for young people to have their talents as singers, dancers and musicians recognised. It seems you really have to 'qualify' for the X Factor or some other reality show, where your talent will be assessed by producers and - if you make it through out of the thousands auditioning - 'experts' will give purely subjective opinions and manipulate the audience in the studio and watching at home to vote for the person closest to some stereotype of the 'successful' act. Don't tell me Susan Boyle made it through. Yes she did, but how many other 'winners' from these talent shows were picked out because they were in some way different (that is, odd) and how many now languish unemployed and unappreciated after being 'bigged up' by the producers.

The celebrity shows - dancing or skating or whatever - are worse. Just a chance to reveal how little talent these people actually have through a bit of ritual humiliation. And I've noticed the clever people - David Mitchell, Jimmy Carr, Laverne Wotsit, Susan Calman, Jeremy Hardy - do not appear on these shows.

It's a relief to me to come across people who share my dislike of these shows. But I know we're in a minority. Still, if you fancy watching something on TV with a bit of originality to it, let me suggest Gareth Malone's The Choir series, especially the Workplace Choir programmes where people who like to sing but have no agenda get to sing their heads off. It's great exercise - I recommend it to everyone!


Saturday, 5 January 2013

Hallelujah!

Right at the end of the Channel 4 news item on the Church of England's tussle over gay bishops on Friday evening, there was a chilling wee moment when a man in grey - let's call him a bigot in a clerical collar - put forward the 'traditional' (that is, Dark Ages) view that gays cannot be bishops and finished with a warning: the CofE may be prepared to put a gay person forward as a candidate but just watch what happens when it tries to install (is that the right word?) its first gay bishop. A wee threat there? I think so.

I wonder if the same man in grey is in favour of women being priests in the CofE. Probably not. So that's over 50% of the population rejected by some bits of the CofE due to their being women, along with the - what is it - 9% or 10% of the population who are gay. Equality, eh?

Of course, the CofE has little to do with me or the rest of us in Scotland, except that I believe some of their people sit in the House of Lords and are entitled to vote on matters that affect Scotland. And that I for one don't like.

Not that my criticism would be limited to the CofE. There is some work need on Catholic church attitudes to both women and gays. As for 'The Kirk,' there are times I just want to take my hand off a few smug jaws. For example, when I asked the Church of Scotland about the maintenance of Govan Old Parish Church - full of Celtic religious relics, a treasure store of the history of the Christian religion in Scotland going back 1,500 years, I was told: 'We are not in the business of maintaining ancient monuments.' How no? The CofS built and used Govan Old for over a century. It's a crucial building in the revival of the township of Govan. Step up, people - take some civic responsibility!

I read this week that what believers find hard to take is being 'harangued' by aggressive atheists. All I can say is: if you're a believer, be glad all atheists can do is harangue you, compared to the scarier things believers have been able to do to atheists in the past: burning them at the stake, hanging them, torturing them.....Time to open up a bit of dialogue on the role of religion in a state where so few people actually practise a religion.

And no, I don't want to stop people practising their religion. I'm also in favour of religious and moral education being a compulsory element in the school curriculum, especially the part that makes young people study 2 world religions other than Christianity. I live in hope religious and moral education will produce tolerance and understanding. If it doesn't, what is it for?

There are other good things about religion: some cracking songs for a start. I still know all the words of 'Jesus wants me for a sunbeam' which I learned in the Rosebuds nearly 60 years ago. Not to mention 'Jesus bids us shine like a pure clear light' which I picked up in Sunday school about the same time. Although ever since I had to sit through the funeral of a 15 year old boy drowned on a fishing trip, I would happily ban 'The Old Rugged Cross' for being too awful for public performance - and too hard to sing.

I also read this week that one of the indicators of a 'loser' personality is a fear of change. That, I think, some sections of the major religions have already shown us: step forward, the Jews in their terrible relationship with Palestine; the Islamists in their continued oppression of women; and several other world religions in their inability to grant the importance of people and their rights in religion.

The final thing I read this week is that pessimists live longer than optimists. I plan to disprove that. Grow old along with me - the best is yet to be - even in the CofE!