It was the loom bands that did it.

Right through 2014 we've been bombarded in the newspapers, on TV and radio and on the internet with reports that tell us - well, basically, whatever we do is wrong and the state we're in is all our own fault.

So 4 out of 10 cases of cancer could be avoided if we had a good diet, avoided alcohol/sex/the sun, took exercise and, as far as I can see, had no fun at all. (This is the opposite of the ideal life a friend of mine recommends: live fast, die young and leave a beautiful corpse. I know which I find more attractive.)

It seems we're only safe if we drink two glasses of red wine a few times a week. No, according to another researcher, a bottle a day will do us no harm.

Smoking is very bad for us, but now it seems the electronic fags, which I thought were a great way to help people struggling to quit smoking, may also be dangerous.

We need to exercise 3 or 4 times a week. But some other expert says just imagining ourselves exercising will help us keep fit and stave off the dreaded obesity (A much misused word which is only attractive to newsreaders because of the disapproving hiss they can get into saying it.)

But it was the loom bands that finished me off. They are dangerous apparently. A wee pastime enjoyed by many boys and girls and some adults and it's bad for you. I didn't read beyond the headline so I don't know why. I do know what my reaction was.

First I thought: Must be a slow news day. And then: did somebody get a research grant for that?

And finally I said out loud: Opissoff!

And I've decided Opissoff is going to be my reaction to every scare and rumour from now on. I urge you to join me, especially women, who are constantly bombarded with every kind of nonsense. So much so that many women now go through life in a cloud of guilt, constantly on a diet,  hair so fiercely straightened it'll probably fall out by the time they're 40, and tanked up on botox. (I watched Eve Pollard on the Sky News Review last night. Do you know her face never moved once in 30 minutes.)

The kind of health news I want in 2015 is more about how attaching a wee machine to the vagus nerve can control diabetes and rheumatoid arthritis. Now there's news worth having.