Monsieur le Président

The British press has got all worked up about the President of France and his affair with an 'actress.'

(And before we move on, can I mention there is a correct way - especially the people that work on Sky and ITN News - to pronounce the man's name? Frong-swah Oh-long-d. No z sound at the end of his first name (that would make him a wumman and he's clearly not that) and no h at the start of his family name. If we're going to slag him off, the least we can do is get his name right.)

There seems to be some suggestion in the UK that M le Président has disgraced his family, his live-in girlfriend and the entire French nation by taking a mistress. The French take a more relaxed view: a woman interviewed in a Paris street last night (this of course is the only place in the French-speaking world that British news people ever venture) was keen to talk about Hollande (and, I suspect, to give us the low down on what a total waste of space he's been as president) but when it came to le so-called scandale, she shrugged. Not interested.

I have to say I agree with her. The only time I am likely to take an interest in what politicians get up to in their private lives is when I stop and think: we pay these people to do a high-profile job so how the hell do they get the time for an affair? Everybody I know is working full out - sometimes at two jobs - running a house, bringing up the family, trying to squeeze in an hour at the gym, going to the supermarket, worrying about their pension. Meanwhile, the president of France is riding round Paris on the back of a moped - a moped, FFS, how undignified is that - followed by his security guards and apparently heedless of the fact that he has the lowest popularity ratings of any president ever.

And anyway, what's he got going for him? He's wee, dumpy, specky, less than animated in front of an audience (his girlfriend had to order him recently to kiss her for the cameras) and totally devoid of ideas for saving the French economy - and have I mentioned the French can't wait for the next election to kick him out?

Since he was trained at the Ecole Normale d'Administration he does speak well. Pity what he says is not worth hearing.